Lily

When my wife and I discovered we would have a daughter, we selected a name for her in ten minutes or less, searching between names we love. The only condition was that none of our close relatives had it. We selected the name Lily. Like a flower.

It’s impossible to prepare for childbirth. You’ll never buy all that is needed. You’ll forget something, especially if you pack things in 15 minutes and a month earlier than expected.

She predicted everything better than we did. She felt it was better to go out with a 2.25 kg weight than enough weight and the risk of not getting through. She could breathe by herself. Often, kids in the 35th week go to intense therapy just after birth. We were discharged from the hospital after five days.

That day, I probably had my record-breaking caffeine dose in energy drinks and coffee. I didn’t sleep for 32 hours or something like that. I can’t say the exact number because I lost the difference between dreaming and reality. My wife didn’t sleep even longer.

I’d never imagined that I could stay in childbirth from the start till the end. There were no benefits from me except that I gave water to my wife when she asked and pushed with her, willing to transfer my effort mentally.

Later, my wife said that I was good (although before I got drunk). During childbirth, I wanted to cry and restrained myself only with the thought of how it would look weird.

While in the hospital, I went home daily throughout the city to feed the cat, bring something, and take away something. It would be an excellent context switching if not the risk of not returning once. Failed mobilization causes military commissars to steal any men they can reach on the streets.

Actually, I agreed to have a kid a year ago when I thought that now I’d have no travel, nothing. My forecast came true, but I can’t say I’m glad because my following forecasts predict an even bigger ass in everything.

I never wanted to have kids. Ironically, many people who want to have them can’t, but I have now. Despite this, I deserve neither the child nor such a nice wife near me.

Well, I know only one reason to have the child — it’s only one available form of immortality for us. It is not hell or heaven; it is only this limbo we live in with a short time to leave something behind us, especially if we manage to make her our ally. Despite I don’t believe she will thank us for bringing her to this shitty reality.

We had tickets to a concert by Metallica cover band, postponed a few times. It finally happened at the beginning of September. The doctor assured my wife it was safe for the fetus to any term. Nevertheless, we had to go away after four or five songs because of apparent panic in the wife’s belly.

Later, I jokingly played Metallica near the belly when my wife counted movements, and our daughter was lazy inside. Now I play Metallica when she has to eat but can’t wake up. I’m really interested: will she love or hate such music in the future?

My daughter was born during a long air alarm we didn’t notice. Maybe it’s for the best because military objects are not far from the hospital.

She was born, and the war goes on. When the Russians strike residential buildings, only happy or unfortunate coincidence decides everything. For some reason, an often result is when a man survives (because he was at work or in a shop, for example), and a woman with a kid (or kids) dies. I heard about many such cases. One of these men went to the war after it and died there recently. In his place, I’d do the same with only the aspiration to kill as many Russians as possible.

People turned discharge from maternity hospitals into an idiotic ceremony. It was absurd because none of our relatives couldn’t visit us. Only the doctor who guarded the pregnancy congratulated us. Another doctor who managed the childbirth ignored us for the rest of the time, including the discharge. Thus, I got one more Jack Daniels bottle I planned to give him. Hell yeah.

We wore vyshyvanky on our discharge and bought an “envelope” for our daughter with a similar pattern.

Stupid mechanical work like washing saves me at home. It helps me not feel worthless. I want to return to my routine work despite all my difficulties there.

What to say about the cat? That is who is really shocked. He can’t understand what appeared in his life and ruined it.

My world has only one global change for now. Instead of “all kids are disgusting,” I say “all other people’s kids are disgusting.”

As you may have guessed, my blog will have much less articles. Anyway, I couldn’t breathe life into it.

I don’t believe in the materiality of thoughts, but I’d be thankful for wishes of strength and patience for all of us.